I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
