when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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