We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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