im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
