they need to just BURY HIM!
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize