Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
May the power of my ass compel you!!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
