There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
