you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize