That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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