I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize
