you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
