Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
