I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
