So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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