Who did Billy Mays play for?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
