I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
