i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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