just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize
