I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Ladies don't puke and tell
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
