to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
