why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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