I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
