Nicole vs. Life
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize