well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
