4 words: hood of his car
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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