i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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