A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
