I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
