You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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