Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
