the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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