you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
