This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I can't turn off my feet"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
