i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
