I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
