he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
