You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
