I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
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