You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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