There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
