How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
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