I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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