I'm gonna have a badass scar
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I will die if light touches me.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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