Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize