I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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