Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
