the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
