wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
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