Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Randomize
