remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
