the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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