There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Randomize
