I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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