you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
