For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
