Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
