Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Can vaginas get frostbite?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
