I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Blood and glitter go together right?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
