you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
