We're facebook friends in real life
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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