I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Brb crying the tears of my youth
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
