Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
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