My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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