Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
