Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
