I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
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