guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
