Small penises have feelings too.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize