And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
