great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
