Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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