my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
