I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
