I just saw a hot homeless man
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
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