my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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