I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
My liver just had a heart attack.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
