i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
