did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
