nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
