I forgot how hot balto sounded
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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