Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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