Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
