This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
